Letter to Married Couples :: Adopt Your Single Friends :: According To Kana

This weekend has been a snowy, slow one that has left a lot of room for food, tea, more food and reflection. On a Saturday afternoon my friend scooped me up from my apartment we enjoyed the slight freedom her 4 wheel drive Jeep provided in this mess of a snow jungle.
Since apparently the streets don’t really get plowed here in Southern Indiana. 

We went to brunch, a random adventure to the casino, gab time with friends and it all ended at her house where I stayed that night and well into the following. In that time there were so many moments where I was so appreciative for our friendship. Ours did not start of the smoothest, but I think overcoming things, in the end, makes for a deeper connection. While I was reflecting on it, it made me think all the times I’ve felt left out because married people usually cast out the singles like the plague. I know a lot of moms/married ladies think the opposite, but I am here to tell you, SINGLE people want to hang out. This is how we create a win/win situation...


WE GET BETTER FOOD
Who doesn’t love food?! I love the meme that says moms have the best snacks. The fact that they actually grocery shop, unlike me and most of my single friends, helps. At the heart of this, it is nice to be a part of family meals, something I don’t get to do very often. It’s not that the food is always better (we opted for Chinese one night) it’s the care that goes into making sure everyone is fed. On Sunday, we got up to make gluten- free blueberry muffins together from scratch. I mostly watched, but was happy to indulge and chat with my friend as her girls played in the snow. You can’t buy that type of fuzzy feeling or bake it at my house.


GETTING TO WATCH RELATIONSHIP DYNAMICS
As a single person, raised by a single mother, there are so many things I haven’t gotten to witness. It doesn’t really hit you until you are an adult. I think Vivi telling her dad she’s a pretty princess and he’s a queen is the most precious thing ever. Their random dance parties melt my heart and give me lots of hope for changing the narrative of my future. Seeing sisters fighting like WW4 is going down (face it WW3 is pretty much on the way), then 5 seconds later loving on each other, will remind you to forgive and forget.
Seeing married couples bicker can be uncomfortable at times, but is very helpful. You think you are looking for the “perfect match” and then you realize in getting to share space with more couples that it can’t be perfect because PEOPLE are involved and none of us are perfect. Marriage is a partnership that requires loving someone enough to CONTINUALLY put in work. I think a lot of single people get discouraged by seeing these outrageously happy couples on social media. Love is work. This is probably the most important thing I’ve gained from being around this.


ALL THE KID MOVIES
This is honestly the one I don’t outwardly admit I enjoy, although I do cry during most of them. Kids movies just have such good messages. The older we get the more jaded we become and it is just really soul warming  to see happy endings. Also, I feel like they incite great conversations with children that make you REALLY think. “Inside Out” and “Finding Dory” had me crying like a baby, but also had me asking kids and reevaluating for myself how I felt about everyday things. Which is a great way to start keeping up with mental health.


BREAKING RACIAL BARRIERS
Being black integrating into a white family, is kind of a normal thing for me. I have lived in a predominantly white area my whole life. I think for a white family it’s a bit more of an adjustment. We are in a place where those “sensitive” questions can be asked and hard conversations about race can be had. I truly wish that anyone wanting to break barriers to find a circle of trust with people who are different. As for the children, I love knowing that they will grow up with a black woman in their life. That bought their cookies, listened to their stories, colored with them...etc. I never want their stories about people of color to be the ones portrayed poorly by media. They have a real life example of just because someone is a different skin color than you doesn’t mean they are a bad or scary person.
Also for me, my perception of police officers has been shattered, in a good way. They have families that lead normal lives, that care if they come home. He cares about the people he interacts with all day. He also cares about the injustices that are happening and is truly doing what he can to mend his city.
This isn’t just about race, although that is my story. Think about how many people in your life are like you and lead similar lives. Switch it up and add value to other’s lives. 


GIVING AND RECIEVING MORE LOVE
More people you trust, more people to love. Excluding people or limiting your time with them because of their relationship status is dumb. Let’s stop that in 2018. I never thought having two little kiddos say they miss their Kana, going to the North side of Evansville or having chats with police officers would fill me with love, but it has. I've gotten to experience these things because an already established family wasn't too afraid to let a single girl in.


So what I am saying is, married people have been taught to not hang out with their single friends. I get that for obvious reasons, but just don’t be stupid. Have friends you can trust. Then you can enrich each other’s lives in ways that you didn’t even realize.